universal truths about beach holidays…

  • At any time of the day or night, at least one bar on the beach will be playing Bob Marley “Legend”.  And when it finishes, they’ll pass the CD to the bar on the left and it’ll be their turn to play it.  And so it shall continue, until the end of the world is upon us.
  • No matter how much you love the local food, after 4 days you will be desperate for something “normal”.  And that will probably involve pizza.
  • “Off the beaten track” has three stars and 283 reviews on Trip Advisor.
  • It is impossible to escape Gangnam Style.  So don’t even bother trying.
  • You will get the shits.  And it will be the day that you are going on a boat excursion to see the dolphins.  Or a 14 hour bus journey.
  • No matter how remote your location, you will always see at least a couple of locals wearing Chelsea and Man Utd football shirts.  And market sellers will always offer you “Asda price”.
  • 92% of your photos will be of the sunset.  The colours will never do justice to the real thing.  But you’ll keep taking photos, just in case.
  • The cheaper things are in local currency, the stingier you’ll become.  You will flip between haggling over the equivalent of 10p for an authentic handcrafted peace pipe, to leaving a 200% tip for dinner, because it only came to a fiver for three of you and you feel bad.
  • You will always feel slightly scared in the sea.  Of drowning, if you’re a girl.  Of fish nibbling your genitals, if you’re a guy.
  • You will try the local alcohol.  Just once.
  • You will fool yourself that the fact that you’ve chosen a place where activities are available (yoga, surfing, water-skiing) means that you will somehow magically be good at them.  Even though previously the closest you’ve ever come to surfing was that time you swam doggy paddle with a float at school.
  • Everyone wees in the sea.  Even if they say they’re just going to cool off, they will take the opportunity to have a wee.  And you can always spot them.  They’re the people who have a look of sublime concentration on their faces.
  • You will bring back at least 5 items of unworn clothing if you’re a girl.  And probably a pair of heels.  If you’re a guy, you won’t have taken more than 5 items of clothing in total, but you’ll still have to carry the heavier suitcase.
  • You never want to come home…


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s